@CulturedRuffian: SHOUT OUT TO ALL THE WEATHER REPORTERS RISKING LIFE & LIMB SO WE CAN ALL KNOW WHAT A 130MPH HURRICANE LOOKS LIKE IN THE DARK!
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@beefman138: *At Railway station Me : Can I get a return ticket please? Station attendant : Where to? Me : Here.
@Qu4rtKn33: Women who draw in their eyebrows are making a serious decision about what mood they're in for the rest of that day.
@TuSoonShakur: Jeez, try to cash in the “one free back rub” coupon your high school girlfriend gave you on your 15th birthday and her husband gets all apoplectic. There was no expiration date, Carl.
@okimstillhungry: Smoke detector: IS THAT A FIRE I SMELL Me: No I'm making baco- Smoke detector: IM A HERO