@CulturedRuffian: SHOUT OUT TO ALL THE WEATHER REPORTERS RISKING LIFE & LIMB SO WE CAN ALL KNOW WHAT A 130MPH HURRICANE LOOKS LIKE IN THE DARK!
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@Sickayduh: ME: *angrily dragging wife thru the mall* Maybe THIS jewelry store will have one. HER: I don't think you get what a tornado watch is.
@GoldenSpirals: 'Twas the night before Christmas, and everyone knew, you were still out shopping, yes, it sucks to be you.
@doguacate: when interviewing a person for a dog walking position, you must make absolutely certain that given the chance, the applicant won't eat a dog
@WilliamRodgers: Waitress: And what can I get for you, hon? Jesus: I'll have........ (snickering) a water