@DaHess1: Shout out to bicyclists that yell "on your left" as they pass me so I know which arm to clothesline them with.
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@ISOremarkable: My answer to most questions is an intelligible grunt, a flustered pointing motion, & a 3 hour nap.
@daplusk: Somebody called me 'pretentious' the other day.nnI nearly choked on my decaf double choc mocha latte.
@ruinedpicnic: (climbing out of my coffin) I'm sure you all have a lot of questions, but firstly the reason I faked my death is- [nobody is at my funeral]
@JasonLastname: It's not illegal to tell a ghost story when a cop shines a flashlight in your face