@DaHess1: Shout out to bicyclists that yell "on your left" as they pass me so I know which arm to clothesline them with.
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@KeetPotato: mailman: ahhh nothing quite like returning home from a long day delivering m- [gets attacked by his own dog]
@jergarl: "You're an idiot." -My wife, after frantically looking around after I scream the word "HAY!" while pointing at hay for the millionth time.
@inmynewskin: Let your girlfriend know how much you love her by screeching loudly like a pterodactyl whenever she talks.
@bananagrvyrd: People who talk to themselves are more intelligent then those who don't, or at least that's what I like to tell myself.