@sbellelauren: shout out to camera phones not being invented until well after my glo-stick period
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@bourgeoisalien: I misspelled "marriage" and Auto Correct changed it to "mirage." What do you know that I don't, Auto Correct?
@merican_ninjy: I gave my wife a tip how she could wash the dishes better. On a side note, Dawn detergent is really starting to make my hands more soft.
@PoliticallyILL1: I'm sick of closing out every job interview with "I was young. I needed the money."
@Northside_Mike: Decided to plant some marijuana seeds in my vegetable garden hoping I could come up with some dope beets.