@shegotagronk: Shout out to my drug dealer Jamal, he's taught me more about the metric system than any of my teachers ever did.
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@Iwriteforcats: Pharmacies could save a lot of hassle and just have customers walk through a denim detector to see if they're cooking meth.
@FilthyRichmond: If you're not supposed to abuse cough syrup then why does it come with a little plastic shot glass?
@Faceyspace: Initially I thought I would rather catch herpes than feelings. But then I realized herpes are forever.
@stephenjmolloy: Undertaker: "What do you want your husbands gravestone to say?" Wife: "Nothing. I want a traditional, non-talking one."