@shegotagronk: Shout out to my drug dealer Jamal, he's taught me more about the metric system than any of my teachers ever did.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@david8hughes: As a fireman, I'm constantly asked questions like, "Can you please stop flexing & put out that fire?"
@Reverend_Scott: *T-Rex stubs his toe* OUCH I'M SO MAD. JUST... MAD. I'M... "Angry? Agitated? Irritated? Anno-" SHUT UP THESAURUS NO ONE ASKED YOU.
@SinfulShelly: I scare off men like I'm some kind of evil clown hiding in their closet. "I'm not a clown!" I shouted as I sniffed his sweater vest.
@Mehrwane: Facebook: You have more friends on Facebook than you think. Me: You have higher expectations than you think.