@shegotagronk: Shout out to my drug dealer Jamal, he's taught me more about the metric system than any of my teachers ever did.
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@hpb777: Pretty cool how the universe lets me know I'll be bumping into my ex by making me spill coffee on my shirt.
@atanya1111: So Kanye West said he is an intellectual who doesn't read books. Which I get because I am an an athlete that rarely moves.
@Mikecanrant: I can only handle so much of a screaming kid on a long car ride before I pull over, take them off the roof, and let them back in.
@Dawn_M_: Don't date men who will hold open a door for you. Date men who will punch a squirrel in the face for chittering it's teeth at you.