@markydoodoo: Shout out to my sweatpants for loving me through thick and thicker.
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@DominicGraz: I used to think Urethra was the name of a heavy metal band, until I found out it was actually a brand of vacuum cleaner.
@joshgondelman: "At least you're going to get a lot of material out of this," is comedian-speak for, "Sorry about your life, dude."
@Go2Slp: Mufasa didn't die, he just went out for a pack of smokes and a newspaper. - The Lyin' King
@MaraWilson: How confused about the world are you right now, on a scale of 0 to "trying to figure out a friend's shower"