@NakedWhiteAss: Shout out to Pringles for never giving us a half can of air.
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@P_o_n_k: INVESTOR: But how will I know when it's done? INVENTOR OF THE TOASTER: Think of the most startled you've ever been.
@YimsterFife: I woke up with a horse's head in my bed. And straw. And the rest of the horse's body. And cows. And a tractor. And this is a barn, I guess.
@SCbchbum: "I'll have a caramel macchiato, hold the espresso & milk." "Miss, that's just a cup of caramel sauce." "You heard me."
@Playing_Dad: Cop: GET DOWN ON THE GROUND Me: I didn't do... Cop:*cuffing me* Dispatch, we have a creepy clown in custody Me: These are my regular clothes