@cervixsmash: Shout out to slugs for doing everything a snail does without a helmet
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@thetigersez: Literally nothing gives me more anxiety than when someone asks me what I like to do for fun.
@jergarl: My 7yo has a friend over and I'm pretty sure he learned how to whisper during a hurricane.
@withanewname: *beep TSA: here try again *beep TSA: here try again *beep TSA: here try again ME: WTF? TSA: Sorry dude it was my watch. Here's your pants.
@OBiiieeee: Yo son, do you like nachos? "Hell yeah!" *son goes in for high 5* That's good, 'cause I'm nacho real dad *rejects high 5* You're adopted lol