@cervixsmash: Shout out to slugs for doing everything a snail does without a helmet
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@rolldiggity: Hate when I'm being chased by a shark and I make it to land, only to find out he's tied to the back of a tiger.
@AlexvanBeek: Imagine how much more useful Superman would've been if he'd helped people move their heavy furniture instead.
@PhuckinCody: [starbucks] BARISTA: can i get a name? ME: sure. you look like a Tiffany BARISTA: no i mean a name for the order ME: oh! we'll call this "the most important order of the day"