@1Happytwit: Shouting "Shotgun" will get you the front seat of a car or a heap of cash if you whisper it to a cashier.
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@kelkulus: Dolls have given us an unrealistic image of women. For example, Russian women do not contain smaller Russian women inside them.
@buck4itt: They say 15 minutes of exercise every day will add 3 years to your life. The problem is that it adds the 3 years to your 80s not your 30s.
@bfrosty04: Vicodin and Scotch. When you absolutely, positively need to wake up underneath your neighbor's swing-set.
@timdonakowski: I should've been a sniper. They get to lie around all day and hardly lift a finger.