@1Happytwit: Shouting "Shotgun" will get you the front seat of a car or a heap of cash if you whisper it to a cashier.
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@_ElvishPresley_: [school of hard knocks] TEACHER: you’re late ME: I was stuck outside, the classroom door was locked TEACHER: you have a LOT to learn
@squirrel74wkgn: *bounce* *dabs* *bounce* *dabs* *bounce* *dabs* *bounce* *dabs* *bounce* *dabs* ~ me, at trampoline place embarrassing my kids
@TheMichaelRock: December 23rd should be called Christmas Adam since it always comes before Christmas Eve.
@KalvinMacleod: I've got good news and bad news. The good news is this tweet is almost over. The bad news is you read the whole thing.