@FlashShumway: Shoutout out to maps. I don't know where in the world I'd be without them
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@AndrewNadeau0: LEGOLAS: You have my bow. GIMLI: And my ax. [Everyone looks at me, closely guarding my sandwich] ME: You can have a SMALL bite.
@Shot_Of_Cabo: Wife just instructed me on the best way to trim my beard. So now I'm explaining to her the proper way to change a tampon.
@KeetPotato: co-pilot: "ask in a way that won't panic everyone" pilot: "ok" [via intercom] "is there a fireman on the plane?"