@FlashShumway: Shoutout out to maps. I don't know where in the world I'd be without them
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@CrissieC: I just found a half eaten hotdog inside of a Mr.Potatohead in the hamper. Living with a toddler is like living with a tiny hammered person.
@rockymomax: [having sex] Her: HARDER! ME: Divide 110 into two parts so that one will be 150% of the other. What are the 2 numbers? Her: 44&66 HARDER!
@ceejoyner: If you don't like your son, grab a football and tell him to go long. Never throw it. He's gone now.