@JanelSantaCruz: Shoutout to Batman for being a true American and proving the only superpower you need is money.
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@Phook75: If I'm ever kidnapped and forced at gunpoint to recite the ABC's without singing the song tell my family I loved them
@Brianhopecomedy: My reaction to winning a billion dollars wouldn't even come close to my 5 year old's reaction when I told him that there's no school today.
@Reverend_Scott: [hospital] "The results are in. I'm afraid you have Bad Priorities Disease. You have 1 month to live." But does my hair look good?
@TheCatWhisprer: I love October because it signals the change from eating tacos outside season to eating tacos inside season.