@DrBacos: Shoutout to my Cold War reenactment group! We're just a bunch of chill white guys, sitting at a table, acting stressed about the USSR.
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@sarcasticmommy4: Kids: Yay! Summer break! Me: Not so fast. Let me introduce you to...THE GREAT SUMMER CHORE CHART OF 2017! *3 kids faint, 1 runs away*
@AudreyPorne: him: what do u wanna be? me: I wanna be a cat that transforms into a misty fog when people try to pet me him: wtf, I meant for Halloween?
@Dank_Pal: They updated the Raggedy Ann doll to Swaggedy Ann. She comes with an iPhone, divorced parents, and 3 pairs of heelys