@weinerdog4life: Shoutout to my upstairs neighbors who wrestled a large moose last night
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@daisy_gi11: Anybody else always feel at least a little panic when their 6 says he "really needs scissors, like right now!"?
@BuckyIsotope: This little piggy went to the market This little piggy stayed home This little piggy spread a swine flu virus And killed 250 million people
@MsFoxIfUrNasty: *pinching bridge of my nose* Kid, the sky is blue because it's made of dead Smurfs, okay? Believe me, I don't like it either.
@lovexios: I hate when people text 'call me'. I'm going to start calling people, say 'text me' and then hang up.