@TheMichaelRock: Shoutout to the dozens of people still trying to make Google+ a thing!
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@Home_Halfway: The proper way to make a Caesar salad is to repeatedly stab it with dozens of other people in a Senate building.
@Cheeseboy22: I try to explain to my kids during the movie that in reality, even a cowardly lion would eat a girl and a little dog.
@LADaddy: Reporter: Tell me about him Neighbor: He was so nice, sweet, friendly, funny R: Do you think he killed those people? N: Oh, yeah absolutely.
@daplusk: [on 1st date] Me: Have you ever flown to Paris on a private jet before? Her: No, I'd love to Me: Same Me: *shows photo of cat* this is Tim