@TheMichaelRock: Shoutout to the dozens of people still trying to make Google+ a thing!
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@Black__Elvis: Just found a hole in my sock and now I'm worried that the whole drawer might be pregnant.
@goldengateblond: College graduates look awfully happy for people who’ll never have an entire summer off again.
@Godhatespants: Just heard a 15 year old call an autobiography a word selfie *points finger gun at mouth* *pulls trigger*
@SimonMaloy: TWITTER: something just isn't clicking here HORDE OF RACIST EGGS: [cacophony of immoral filth] TWITTER: eliminate the looping video service