@Dawn_M_: Show him you care by leaving the message "I see you" on his bathroom mirror.
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@ArfMeasures: [1st date] DATE: When I'm with a handsome man I get all nervous & involuntarily start speaking French ME [leans across] Oh really? DATE: Yes
@LuckoftheDraw86: Vodka giveth and vodka taketh away... It giveth me a hangover and taketh away my underpants. Amen.
@CornOnTheGoblin: A nationwide recall of the popular children's cereal Trix was issued today "Just dump them out in your garden" said one long-eared FDA agent
@BostonFanJosh: Q: What's the safest place to be during a North Korean missile strike? A: The place they are aiming at.