@Dawn_M_: Show him you care by leaving the message "I see you" on his bathroom mirror.
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@KalvinMacleod: ME: where's your brother? OLDEST CHILD: where's another roll of duct tape? ME: *sprints to the basement*
@iinkedZombie: [courtroom] Me: "I OBJECT YOUR HONOR" Judge: on what grounds? "LEGAL MUMBO JUMBO" Prosecutor: he's good Judge: *slams gavel* case dismissed.
@drinksmcgee: I laugh at an ex who now dates an ugly man-pig… Until I realize that maybe she has a type.