@Dawn_M_: Show him you care by setting his house on fire so he will have to move in with you and never be lonely again.
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@bugbucket: wonder why's theres a pizza laying here in the middle of the woods *eats it* *dies 82 years later* dammit it was a trap
@DurtMcHurtt: Me: *quickly flips through each layer of a Big Mac like a wad of cash* McDonald's employee: [nervously assuring me] it's all there I swear.
@shipwrecksean: I'm looking for something with the health benefits of yoga but absolutely none of the yoga