@IamEnidColeslaw: SHOW ME A PHOTO OF YOUR INFANT I WILL SHOW YOU 20 OF MY CAT
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@KrissiBex: My family said if I don’t get a Facebook, they’d all get a Twitter I sacrificed myself for all of twitter kind I’m the Jesus of social media
@ClassicMegan: Pro tip: when you have a drug test and they tell you to go to the bathroom in the cup, that means PEE. Always.
@UniqueDude2: [dinosaur naming committee] TERRY: and we will call the flying one the Terodactyl PTERRY: I've got a crazy idea
@kwirkyKerri: I'll agree to almost anything if you set a cupcake in front of me. I won't be listening. Because...cupcake.