@JennyJohnsonHi5: Show me a woman in a Tweety Bird t-shirt and I'll show you a woman who shoplifts in the grocery store.
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@PaulyPeligroso: If you put on BBC news and told me it was Downton Abbey, I'd watch for like 20 min before I asked "For real, tho?"
@TheMichaelRock: *sees Salvation Army bell ringer* "Here you go, buddy. Merry Christmas!" "Sir, we don't accept children." *runs away*