@JennyJohnsonHi5: Show me a woman in a Tweety Bird t-shirt and I'll show you a woman who shoplifts in the grocery store.
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@annaetuck: Congratulations, everyone who saw me and my kids at the mall today. That's the cheapest birth control you will ever have.
@JB4Realz: SON: Daddy, where do tweets come from? DAD: Well, son...when a Desire for Validation and a Character Limit love each other very, very much.
@DanMentos: LIFE HACK: Tired of the neighbors' noisy kids playing in front of your house? Sign up for the sex offender registry