@meganamram: Show me on this doll where the bad man gave you a skewed perspective of a female body
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@JaymayAllDay: I told my friends I found my Lasik surgeon on Yelp and they were horrified. Or interested, I'm not sure, I can't make out faces so well.
@iLikeCatShirts: It's that scene from footloose where Kevin Bacon is angry dancing in the barn but it's me trying to do my taxes.
@KentWGraham: Get your employees to work harder by “accidentally” leaving articles on the printer about reducing staff.
@squidswards: Teachers are sometimes like an alarm clock. They won't shut up when you're trying to sleep.