@meganamram: Show me on this doll where the bad man gave you a skewed perspective of a female body
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@Crutnacker: Obama: The Galaxy Note 7 wasn't recalled because it was too secure. Biden: Just let him enjoy my gift, Barack.
@Elizasoul80: Trump, 2 years into his presidency: "What do you mean we can't just file for bankruptcy?"
@JimNorton: I just got a text from a number I don't recognize saying, 'You're an embarrassment of a son'. I've narrowed it down to 2 people.
@Sassafrantz: [lays down] Me: Feels so good to close my eyes. Brain: We should think about a fire evacuation plan.