@meganamram: Show me on this doll where the bad man gave you a skewed perspective of a female body
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@TheWadest: Somewhere, a ninja watches "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant." An imperceptible smile creeps across his lips. "Damn right you didn't."
@MasterOfFury: I'm not stalking you. I'm trying to help you find that sock that you dropped behind the door before you left for work Wednesday at 7:04.
@decentbirthday: cop: the perp was found with red paint on his fingers, so i guess you could say he was caught.. *looks at camera* why is there a camera here
@Bipartisanism: How to stay sober during #GOPDebate drinking games: Take a shot every time someone tells the truth.