@TheBoydP: Show me someone who says "once you try black you never go back" and I'll show you someone who's never had an overripe banana.
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@GrabTheWEness: *posts Social Security number on social media* *hopes someone steals his identity and pays off his mortgage*
@BromanConsul: GOD: hey can I have one of your ribs Adam: what for GOD: uhh science project Adam: you hate science GOD: look do u wanna get laid or not
@beckyiniowa: My husband had to sign a form stating he understands his mother's cremation is nonreversible. I weep for our species.
@jtswhipped: To the woman that told her husband to "bite my ballsack" at the store today,I golf clapped because you won life.