@JllyJllyFish: Show someone you love them today by rearranging the apps on their phone.
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@WarrenHolstein: Sorry, but Apple making driverless cars isn't breaking news. It's been going on ever since they introduced the iPhone.
@huntigula: Guy: Why does everyone call you "Gross Gary"? Gary: [filling a canteen with hotdog water] Nobody calls me that.
@MarcusTheToken: Sometimes when people talk to me, I scream and beat my chest. It not only establishes dominance, but tells them to go away.
@Jazzzzzmina: How strict is the "I licked it, it's mine" policy? There's some things I've licked that I don't want.