@haleysfalling: [showing people around museum] and if u look to ur left you'll see a bunch of uppity people who get reaaal weird when you lick the paintings
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@ibid78: CASHIER: is there anything else I can help you with? ME: *pulls out my trigonometry homework from 1995* yes, yes there is
@KizerBillhelm: It's not called "Laura the Explorer" because if a little white girl gets lost in the woods, CNN shows up with the FBI.
@SteelCityDawn: Bought $200 sunglasses. Lost them in 15 minutes. Bought Walmart sunglasses. Had them for 238 years.
@Turbo_Jimmy: "Ok Noah, that's 2 of everything! Did I see a 3rd sheep in your office tho?" Nope "Yea I did, it had lipstick on?" Nope, raise the anchor