@KattieCO_H: "Shut the door, drop your pants, and get on top of me." -My toilet
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@inikoblue: I just asked my friend to come over and "play husband". He's gonna be pissed when he finds out we are putting together shelves from ikea.
@shariv67: I sleep with a knife under my pillow. You never know when someone is going to break in and give you a cake.
@WritePlay: *Dino-Jesus preaching to the dinosaurs* "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." *Asteroid crushes Earth* "Dammit Dad."
@AaronFullerton: 1938: "It's a bird!" "It's a plane!" "It's... Superman!" 2013: "Is that a drone?" "Yeah, it's probably a drone."