@KattieCO_H: "Shut the door, drop your pants, and get on top of me." -My toilet
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@Brianhopecomedy: "Daddy?" "Yes?" "What are you doing?" "Writing a fictional conversation so I can post it on Twitter."
@HomeProbably: When someone's ignoring me I like to break into their house at night and steal all their shoes. We'll see how busy you are tomorrow.
@AimeeHelene1: *picks out all the marshmallows from your Lucky Charms* *replaces them with Flintstones vitamins* You looked a little sickly.