@WilliamAder: Shutdown Apocalypse Update: GPS is down. Using a refrigerator magnet as a compass. I think it's just pointing to another refrigerator.
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@Just_Lee_: Romantic subtweets are like watching a couple kissing in a restaurant. We're all very happy for you but it still makes us want to vomit.
@chopper4jk: My son wants to change his given Indian name, so I told Broken Condom he could change it if he really wants to. Kid's these days...
@Eightinchgoat: Her: I LOVE your beard! Me: Thanks, yours is coming in nicely, too! Flirting with women my age is hard, guys.