@WilliamAder: Shutdown Apocalypse Update: Hearing now that the government closed the Grand Canyon. Not sure if they roll a tarp over it or how that works.
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@wickedblondeone: I just found a quarter in the vending machine, if anyone is looking for a sugar mama.
@Elizasoul80: I walk around in public saying "wait for me guys" so everyone thinks I have friends.
@XplodingUnicorn: I accidentally dripped some mustard on my newborn daughter’s forehead and long story short a nurse just walked in and saw me lick the baby.