@WilliamAder: Shutdown Apocalypse Update: Hearing now that the government closed the Grand Canyon. Not sure if they roll a tarp over it or how that works.
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@Gooooats: Drive by shootings are just one more example of Americans being too lazy to get out of their cars.
@KeetPotato: "if you could be any animal what would you be" a cat "why a cat" [imagines being a complete shithead for literally no reason] naps and stuff
@oldmanweldon: UNITED EMPLOYEE: Beat this guy up so we can take the thing he paid for. LITERALLY THE POLICE: Okay
@JasonLastname: If you ever get hit by a car, try to spin like a ballerina. You won't get another chance like this.