@joshgondelman: Sia's full name is: "Sia...Wouldntwannabia."
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@SamGrittner: I want to become a librarian so bad. I love books but I love telling people to shut up even more.
@okimstillhungry: Me on Masterchef: Ive made a roasted pork kebab breaded with buttermilk cornbread and served with a tomato reduction Them: This is a corndog
@rachelle_mandik: -Can you describe the jellyfish that stung you? -Yes, it looked like a lazy toddler tried to draw an octopus.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: If you watch Beauty & the Beast backwards a grown man devolves into a monster then into a petulant little boy. It's basically Twitter.