@danguterman: Sick of the media always blaming video games for the rise in fantastical jewel-seeking quests.
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@nbadag: [commercial] WOMAN: have u ever wondered what would happen if a car alarm could swim? NARRATOR: geese
@panmidwest: Pro Tip: Make sure you wear your Fitbit on your dominant hand so you get credit every time you lift an ice cream cone to your mouth.
@JanelSantaCruz: Shoutout to Batman for being a true American and proving the only superpower you need is money.