@djdarrellripley: (Sigh) I must be getting older. I just read a whole book about a giant sperm whale called Moby Dick and I didn't giggle once...
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@Gre_Gone: [Ad shows dude getting out of bed before noon on the weekend] *professional stuntman do not attempt*
@MissScarlettK: I'm a pretty confident woman until I walk out of the grocery store & try to find where I parked.
@MelvinofYork: My wife just threatened to kill me in my sleep, which seems much less horrifying than being killed wide awake. She’s always been thoughtful.
@misfarber: *rearranges underwear drawer* Neighbor: the party's downstairs. Please get out of my room