@djdarrellripley: (Sigh) I thought "The Scarlet Letter" was a book about red stationery....
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@Boleyngirly: I slept like a rock last night meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly.
@Jay_FrickinLynn: Me: Hi Kid: M: Still? It's been a week K: YOUR FIRST INSTINCT DURING A CAR ACCIDENT WAS TO PROTECT YOUR PHONE! M: You didn't die. Calm down.
@slimmy_shady: When I have a daughter I'm naming her Leroy. No guy will ever say "Yo bro I hooked up with Leroy last night" how would that sound?