@djdarrellripley: (Sigh) I thought "The Scarlet Letter" was a book about red stationery....
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@TravLeBlanc: The first of Jay-Z's 99 problems is the obsessive compulsive disorder that requires him to know his precise number of problems at all times.
@Marlebean: I like to start my mornings w/ a luxurious deep tissue massage* *kids climbing all over me until they puncture my spleen & I finally get up
@IamEnidColeslaw: The Constitution says nothing about it being illegal for cats to carry firearms and this worries me immensely.
@LeBearGirdle: Wife: can you pick up milk? Me: [lifts gallon] yea it's easy Wife: I mean from the store Me: I would imagine it weighs the same there too