@HumorParasite: Sign at funeral home: ALL SALES FINAL
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@ginzyj1983: People who automatically say it will get better without actually knowing what the problem is... is why there are bodies buried in my yard
@truegritrumble: ME: If home is where the heart is, I guess I live under a canopy of bloody bones. DMV WORKER: I'm not putting that on your license.
@cluedont: My grandad used to swear by refrigerators. And televisions. In fact, he was probably the most foul-mouthed member of staff Comet ever had.
@kentgrossarth: Sign: "No alcohol past this point." Translation: Bet you can't chug this entire beer, right now.