@HumorParasite: Sign at funeral home: ALL SALES FINAL
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@CourtneyBale: [dinner party] *removing myself from table* Excuse me, I have to take this. *picks up host's dog* *leaves*
@BonaFideIntent: Where's the gratification in tearing down another human being? It's much easier to have heart, than walk w a self-inserted rod up your ASS.
@XLToast: Artist: I love painting you. Times are tough. Model: Are you a starving artist? Artist: Kinda. *continues brushing butter on model*
@zachreinert03: Saw a TV at the dumpster with a sign that said 'free TV' and boy do I feel stupid, I paid $200 for the last TV sitting at a dumpster