@blaudiablogan: Sign at the gas station: "Bathroom is no longer available." I can't believe it. Even the Shell bathroom has someone.
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@yayraptor: interviewer: what is ur weakness? me: follow up questions interview: care to elaborate? me: [quivers with fear]
@JB4Realz: [Marriage Counseling] Wife: He's always messing up even the simplest phrases. Me: I THOUGHT we were gonna keep that on the download...
@charliesgonenow: Do I have a girlfriend!? Are you kidding me? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TOILET PAPER THOSE THINGS USE!?