@eddiepepitone: Signs that things aren't going well: 1) your gums bleed when u brush your hair. 2) u pray for the demise of the same 6 people every day.
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@hoedeehoe: Jesus: and when there was but 1 set of footprints, there I carried u Me: (checks fitbit) ok, phew, it counted the steps, I still got credit
@thenatewolf: Me: I have a secret *I take off my wig* Her: I don’t care still I love you *I smile, take off my bald cap* Me: you passed the final test
@noogscorner: Batman: *puts on glasses* Hey do I still look like Bruce Wayne? Superman: Um obviously. Batman: Think about that for a second.
@TheAlexNevil: Most of being a parent means saying "Great!!" when your kid insists you watch him perform an unidentifiable skill.