@eddiepepitone: Signs that things aren't going well: 1) your gums bleed when u brush your hair. 2) u pray for the demise of the same 6 people every day.
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@AmberTozer: If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans sorry giraffe but I gotta do what's best for me
@Mr_Kapowski: [press session regarding increase in shark bites] Reporter: Are there more attacks in one area? Scientist: [lips against mic] In the water
@QwertyJones3: [gynecologist making small talk during an exam] DOCTOR: So you're in the military? HER: Yes DOCTOR: Well thank you for your cervix
@MikeCanRant: There are so many animal nudes on the internet. I mean, its not even regulated. Literally almost every animal picture is naked.