@Lisabug74: Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.
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@EndhooS: "Morning guys" "HOLY SHIT IT'S SUPERMAN!" - Clark Kent's first day at work wearing contact lenses
@JasonLastname: Show your neighbor they shouldn't park their boat outside of their house by filling it with two of every animal.
@murrman5: [shows up late for first day of new job] *blames it on rush hour* [shows up late for second day of new job] *blames it on rush hour 2*
@itshotterhere: 9: Daddy, what starts with F and ends in UCK? my face: *look of horror* 9: firetruck! What else? me: nervous laugh *pours another drink*