@Ideal_Victoria: Ok, seriously men... You can't hear yourselves snoring, but the slightest crinkle of a chip bag, and you're suddenly wide awake?!

@minfiliawarde: me: hi english person: you mean you don't have SNELLYDORF HUFFLEDAMS? WHERE DO YOU PUT YOUR BROOKENSHIRES me: Aight man have a good day

@junejuly12: [texting] Me: meet me at 8 sharp Kid: what if I feel salient instead? Me: just be on time Kid: or acuminate, maybe cuspidated Me: are you playing with the thesaurus on your phone again? Kid: indubitably

@AngelaEhh: Bartender: What can I get you? Me: Sex, beards, rock & roll? Bartender: Me: Sparkling vampire crazy about me? Bartender: Me: Beer.

@ArfMeasures: DOCTOR: Im sorry, I can't see you right now ME: [wearing my new camouflage suit] lol that is so awesome