@just1fool: Since I live my financial life under water I decided to put a "Beware of sharks" sign in my front yard.
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@VintageBabe1212: Decided to stop partying at friends houses who have toddlers... Those childproof bathroom doorknobs are absolutely hell to open while drunk.
@Jake_Vig: Torn this election season. I think it would be awesome to have the first woman president. But I'm also curious about the apocalypse.
@AnOrangeSNES: "Jesus take the wheel!" I shout, but Jesus decided to pop out of the sunroof firing a machine gun at our pursuers instead.
@amydillon: H: Is there anything new you want to try in bed? M: Actually... *stretches out alone in bed, sleeps for 8 hours* M: That was amazing.