@krissywillbretz: Since I'm wearing a white top, I'm going to go ahead and eat this meatball hoagie while I drive.
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@LindseyEllison2: If you want to look mysterious I would suggest painting your cornea with a sharpie. Always works for me.
@UtilityLimb: I'm not doubting that you're 1/8th Pond People, but this is a research paper. You can't cite "BOG WISDOM"
@NewDadNotes: [watching Olympic Figure Skating] Me: HOLY CRAP!!! THAT ROUTINE WAS INCREDIBLE!!! T.V. Announcer Johnny Weir: it’s obvious to everyone how awful that routine was Me: oh
@HousewifeOfHell: Two certain individuals today proclaimed me the worst mom ever because I took them to the dentist. I FORCED THEM TO HAVE TEETH. Like, OMG.