@krissywillbretz: Since I'm wearing a white top, I'm going to go ahead and eat this meatball hoagie while I drive.
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@Diversion50: [solicitor reading my will] "He [takes off glasses & pinches bridge of nose], He wants to donate his arm to the drummer from Def Leppard".
@NintenDom: My favourite part about playing video games is probably thwarting evil. You never get to thwart anything in real life. I like to thwart.
@InkedUpKidder: Saturday in my 20's: "Nice, this club is hot! gimme a Vodka tonic!" Tonight: "Nice, grocery store is empty, ooh I got coupon for that !!"
@NicCageMatch: Trying to take the best instagram picture ever but the kittens keep drowning in the latte.