@: a:2:{i:0;a:5:{s:4:"user";s:11:"thatUPSdude";s:5:"image";s:90:"http://a0.twimg.com/profile_images/3022333640/5ea6ba9db8fde5cc05ad6cf7d9c52e36_bigger.jpeg";s:6:"id_str";s:18:"329242784039063552";s:7:"retweet";s:2:"46";s:5:"tweet";s:86:"Give me that, let me show you how it's done. ~Things I say before requiring stitches.";}s:7:"retweet";i:0;}

@imchriskelly: I have complicated opinions on the death penalty. I think it’s wrong but I also think that owners of cash-only establishments should get it.

@SabyForrester: "Did you get a haircut?" "No, I dyed the tips of my hair invisible..."

@milehighocd: Don't take a shower when you're drunk. The curtain does not support you when you fall. Trust me.

@cerebralbeef: The way to cure your loneliness is to get on out there! But first, be better looking. And stop being yourself, that's obviously not working.