@Cheeseboy22: Since Monopoly replaced its tiny iron, the talking mice in my walls now all have wrinkled shirts.
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@theshamingofjay: Divorce is like hitting the reset button on Super Mario Bros except now you pay for the Princess's castle and hope Bowser kills you.
@therealeatwood: [Self-Checkout] ME: also I ate a donut in the store MACHINE: Place the item on the belt ME: I can’t because I ate it MACHINE: Place the
@pixelatedboat: 11.45: Arrived at crime scene 11.45: Examined body. Signs of a struggle 11.45: Found murder weapon in drain 11.45: Realised watch was broken
@calluptome: We should remove the warning labels from everything and let the stupidity problem take care of itself.