@fraktal8: Since wine is made from grapes its technically accurate to say I did a fruit juice cleanse for New Years Eve.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: *spreads arms wide* I love you this much. Me: Aw. 5: *spreads arms even wider* But I'd love you this much if we had a pool.
@AndDesist: I accept your apology. Can I borrow your phone? I need to cancel the hit I put out on you.
@onume_: Son: Dad I'm in love with a girl just like mum. Father: So what do you want from me? Sympathy?