@TheTweetOfGod: Since yesterday was the National Day of Prayer, today must be the National Day of Disappointment.
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@TeflonPawn: By the power vested in me by this case of beer, I now pronounce these three loads of laundry as one.
@JoleenDoreen: A guy asked me out! Well, a guy asked me if I was going to be the same place he is. FINE, my boss called to see if I was coming to work.
@TheKegKiller: Scientists recently discovered T-Rex hunted in packs, confirming once again that we should all send that asteroid a thank you card.