@TheTweetOfGod: Since yesterday was the National Day of Prayer, today must be the National Day of Disappointment.
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@heapsOhate: *finds own number on a bathroom stall* Call for a good time!? This is outrageous! *crosses out good; writes in GREAT* There. Fixed.
@OtherDanOBrien: [Jesus on the cross] *texts with 1 hand* "um dad y hav u 4saken me wtf" *5 hrs pass* "new phone. who dis?"
@Tharin_P: "What do missiles, camels, and common fetishes have in common?" "...What?" " -Toes." "Out. Just get out."
@CatherineLMK: How come when someone says “we need to talk” it’s never about ice cream or Star Wars?