@sophienuuttall: single because i didn't forward that chain mail in 2008
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@BillDixonish: Halloween is the only day of the year you can ask someone "what are you supposed to be?" without triggering an existential crisis.
@thatcarlygirl: [cashier training, day 1] "Be sure to comment on everything a customer buys. They love that."
@GuyThe_Guy: My wife puts her pants on just like everyone else, but when she gets one leg in I push her over while she's off balance.