@TheMichaelRock: *sings Hakuna Matata during your meltdown*
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@ShesARealGenius: [FIRST DATE] Him: "I love science-fiction." Me, trying to impress him: "I think the earth is flat."
@mcclure111: America: School 6-18 should be free. More than free! MANDATORY "Hey can you cover school 19-22 also?" No that's socialism "19-20?" SOCIALISM
@mynameshank: Super productive day, I took down all of my neighbor's outdoor Christmas decorations.
@FrenulumBreve: [homocide scene] DETECTIVE:"my god, in my 25 years on the force i've never seen a dead ghost." COP:"sir?, we covered the body with a sheet."