@YesThatAmy: Sir, I cannot take you seriously. You're wearing capris. Capris. CAPRIS.
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@tonyhawk: girl at restaurant: "Are you Tony Hawk?" me: "Yes." her: "Why?" I had no idea how to answer.
@tchrquotes: When she said "I think we got way too much pizza." I knew I Finally had my chance to shine, to be the hero.
@thatUPSdude: Cop: Reason I pulled you over was you were swerving Me: Sorry was tryin to catch a Pokémon Cop: Which one!? I mean let me see your license
@daemonic3: Rather than vote, let's all fill out the 29 dimensions of what we want in a president and let eHarmony decide.