@YesThatAmy: Sir, I cannot take you seriously. You're wearing capris. Capris. CAPRIS.
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@joejwest: [chess tournament] RIVAL: [plays move] ME: [knocks board aside. punches rival in face] Chess! COMMENTATOR: He's won every round this way
@KalvinMacleod: I have Facebook like reflexes. "Don't you mean cat-like reflexes?" *throws a book and hits you right in the face*