@YesThatAmy: Sir, I cannot take you seriously. You're wearing capris. Capris. CAPRIS.
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@lisaxy424: Going to sleep: It's so cold in here, I'm totally wearing these socks to bed Middle of the night: GET THESE DEVIL FOOT GLOVES OFF ME
@shanethevein: I'm not intimidated by a pretty woman. I'm intimidated by smart women, who happen to be pretty.
@noneofyours99: * thinks of a tweet before falling asleep * decided to remember a "key word* so I can remember it * wakes up * forgot key word
@theshamingofjay: I can't go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes