@Kalarlis: sir i need to confiscate all the ice cream in your store yes this is just a costume & i'm not a real cop but no one told me i'm pretty today
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@Cryptoterra: Christian politicians hate science because they think it's always talking about two Adams bonding
@Brampersandon_: FARMER: you ok man? ME (from inside a well I fell into 3 days ago): all is well lol FARMER: lol ME: seriously though I think I broke my leg
@PyrBliss: This girl just said, "You know that feeling you get when you really really like someone?" and I was all like, "Nope." and walked away.
@squirrel74wkgn: Don't worry guys, my wife just turned the car radio down so we shouldn't be lost much longer.
@mattZillaaaa: It's painful when you lose an ex. It's even more painful when they come back.
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