@kyry5: Sir Im sorry I rear ended you but I was focused on not accidentally eating a purple jelly bean and you're handling this really insensitively
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@murrman5: *pushes cart from 20 feet away into cart corral perfectly* "did you see th-*wife is already calling parents to take the kids for the night*
@rzarosco: I dont use one of those unfollower sites like a psycho. I use my handwritten list of followers and crosscheck it daily like a NORMAL PERSON!
@ElgatoEsmio: [holding an acorn] “do you still love me?” Wife yells outside- "that’s not even the same squirrel as yesterday!” "Shaddup you!"