@mdob11: 'Siri, am I an alcoholic?', I whisper into my burrito.
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@ch000ch: 9am: protein shake, oatmeal 1pm: small salad, chicken breast 5pm: grilled salmon, spinach 9pm: 4 whole "i don't give a shit anymore" pizzas
@TheAmecha: Congrats, you've been selected for the job Me: Whats the salary? 10k now and will increase to 25k later Me: Ok then, I will come later
@IamEveryDayPpl: I give my stoner friends fruitcake for Christmas just so I can imagine them hating me a little while they can't help eating it.