@mdob11: 'Siri, am I an alcoholic?', I whisper into my burrito.
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@ag_loco: Dear Canadians, Who's the cutest little nation? You are! Yes you are! *pinches cheeks*
@_NTFG_: I party like a Rockstar. A very poor Rockstar who isn't in a band anymore and starts yawning by 9pm and just wants to be home drinking tea.
@Vodkantots: Well well well. If it isn't old Saint Nick trying to slide down this chimney after ignoring my texts for a year.
@koalaslament: Coworker said 'nice pink shirt, when did you come out?' I said 'IT'S NOT PINK IT'S SALMON!'. Then I snapped my fingers and skipped away.