@mdob11: 'Siri, am I an alcoholic?', I whisper into my burrito.
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@ThePocketJustin: As a fan of Dirty Dancing I can only hope that when we go on holiday one of my daughters sleeps with a middle aged dance instructor.
@XplodingUnicorn: [loud crashes] Me: What was that? 4-year-old: Nothing. Me: 4: Me: OK. Parenting is easier than it looks.
@Sickayduh: Christian epileptics don't appreciate when you tell them "Jesus is the reason for the seizin"