@guybranum: Siri, assemble a list of people who are dead to me.
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@foodandwhining: People with eyebrow, nose, and lip piercings always look like they landed face-first into a tackle box.
@TheDreamGhoul: some dogs can find bodies that have been buried for years & mine can't even find a cracker that hit him in the face on the way to the floor
@TheMichaelRock: My 14yo made fun of me this morning because I had to go to work while he had a snow day, so I changed the wifi password.