@guybranum: Siri, assemble a list of people who are dead to me.
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@KyleMcDowell86: I told my waiter the same thing i told my plastic surgeon. Give me chicken breasts.
@LorieGZ: Me: Did you know avocado improves Brain function?' Kristen: 'Mom you eat it all the time and I haven't seen ANY improvement.'
@staceaustin: Walked in for bread, walked out with 6 bottles of wine. Now we're having communion for dinner.
@TheTweetOfGod: If what people thought of you, what you thought of yourself and who you really are ever met, the three of you wouldn't recognize each other.