@lilgapeach30: Siri just said I'm looking for love in all the wrong places so I'm tryin to figure out what happened to Siri and how my mom got in my phone.
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@doguacate: when interviewing a person for a dog walking position, you must make absolutely certain that given the chance, the applicant won't eat a dog
@ceejoyner: Our boss just banned overly specific nicknames and the whole office is staring at Rat Snitch Brian The Good Time Ruiner.
@ImKevinito: Wifey is pregnant again. She wants a girl but I want a black guy so I have someone to play basketball with.