@lilgapeach30: Siri just said I'm looking for love in all the wrong places so I'm tryin to figure out what happened to Siri and how my mom got in my phone.
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@Sorrowscopes: Cancer: Expect a minor shakeup at work this week when you find your boss eating what's left of Gary.
@scorpicpanda: [getting massage from cat] Me: Mmmm, this is the best spa day ever; please don’t stop. Cat: *pushes me off massage table