@HarlanCoben: “Siri, show me justifiable homicide.”
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@Spaced_Cowboy00: Me when I’m high: I’ll take seven burritos. Me when I’m not high: I’ll take seven burritos.
@ThugRaccoons: Me (a pediatrician): *hands your baby a disassembled carburetor* Let’s test his motor skills
@Ms_WhateverV: Kids....because who doesn't enjoy a fun game of "What the hell is that smell and whose room is it coming from?"
@iamburtjarvis: [spelling bee] judge: your word is serendipity. me: can you use it in a sentence. judge: sure. gary googled the word serendipity.