@markydoodoo: "Siri, what are the side effects of Valium?" I mumbled into the tv remote.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@lovemydogduck: My car lease is up and I have to return it back to the dealer today, so I'm practicing jumping out of a moving car.
@kumailn: So is tomorrow the day Trump & all his supporters say "April Fools!" & we get our country back?
@wendchymes: Friend: I haven't had sex in years! Me: meh, join the club Friend: I haven't had coffee in 5 days! Me: DEAR GOD!!!
@SamGirlSunday: I don't know about you, but I could really go for a punch in your face right now.