@Jenny4ashley: Siri, what kind of candy is in that van?
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Kyle_Lippert: *brings a laser pointer to the Broadway showing of Cats and creates utter mayhem*
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Check it out! I'm juggling! Wife: Me: Wife: You're supposed to use more than one ball. Me: Can't you just be happy for me?
@AndrewNadeau0: REPORTER: How do you feel after serving 6 months under house arrest? ME: I did not realize that had started.
@causticbob: If my iPod doesn't work in the next few minutes, I'm throwing it in the river. It can either sync or swim.