@Jenny4ashley: Siri, what kind of candy is in that van?
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@erikbransteen: "Speak softly and carry a big stick." -- Teddy Roosevelt "Yell loudly and talk about the size of your stick." -- Donald Trump
@jazmasta: "David you're late again!" "Sorry boss.." [cut to: me running on all fours through a forest chasing deer] "...traffic"
@itsWillyFerrell: My poem: I dig, you dig, we dig, she dig, he dig, they dig. It's not a very good poem, but it's very deep.
@CornOnTheGoblin: me: [performing autopsy] so I've been practicing my ventriloquism assistant: now's not the time corpse: aw come on